I Left the Bartender a 50% Tip but She Thanked Only My Husband

On March 17, 2022, an anonymous female contributor turned to Reddit’s “AITA” forum to pen her story. The woman shared details about her date night with her husband, revealing that it concluded in a manner quite different from what she had anticipated.

One evening, the woman and her husband found themselves unenthusiastic about cooking, so she proposed heading to the local restaurant for a beer and a quick dinner. Her husband, who was a regular at the eatery and frequented it about once a week with a friend, agreed.

The woman informed her husband that she had cash and would cover the bill. When the couple reached the restaurant, they took their seats at the bar. “My husband told me, ‘We have to make sure to tip her good because she’s the new bartender on the day me and friend go [sic],” said the woman of her conversation with her husband.

From his perspective, they never had empty glasses, and their dinners were enjoyable.

Since OP also worked in a tip-based customer service job, the sentiment resonated with her. So, without any issues, she told her husband she would keep that in mind.

During their stay, the couple ordered dinner and a couple of beers each. The bartender, while not outright rude, seemed to overlook the woman’s presence. She directed inquiries about the food solely to the husband and only asked him if he needed a box when his plate was nearly empty, while the woman’s plate remained half full.

The husband received big smiles and laughs, whereas the woman encountered a deadpan expression and a monotone demeanor. “I still answered politely even if [the bartender] didn’t technically ask me a question,” recalled the woman.

The total bill amounted to approximately $60, and the woman paid for it and left a $30 tip, all in cash. Despite the bartender’s somewhat off-putting behavior, the woman, being accustomed to working for tips herself and considering her husband’s regular patronage, decided to leave a generous tip. She acknowledged that, despite any strange vibes she felt, she always had a drink, and her food was excellent.

However, a moment after cashing them out, the bartender turned her back toward the woman and expressed gratitude exclusively to the husband, saying, “[Thank] you so much for doing that! It was so nice!” This incident left the woman feeling noticeably annoyed.

With the back of the bartender’s head positioned just ten inches from her face, the woman boldly declared, “I paid the tab, and I tipped you. You’re welcome.” Her “you’re welcome” carried a distinct and intentional tone of sarcasm. Despite the woman’s certainty that the bartender heard her, she simply walked away without ever glancing back in her direction. Following this exchange, the couple promptly left the establishment.

During the ride home, the woman’s husband expressed that her comment was uncalled for. He frequented the establishment often, and her actions had embarrassed him. Despite being generally great, the husband appeared oblivious to any rudeness from the bartender. From his perspective, they never had empty glasses, and their dinners were enjoyable.

He believed the bartender’s assumption that he paid might explain the differential treatment. Technically, he was correct, but the woman, drawing from her experience in a similar work environment, maintained the importance of treating everyone equally, not just the assumed payer or tipper.

The woman questioned whether she was in the wrong: “AITA for telling the bartender that I paid and tipped after she only thanked my husband?”

The woman found considerable support on her Reddit account, with the majority of users declaring her “NTA.” Many commenters shared the sentiment that the bartender had been rude to OP and questioned the appropriateness of the tip. Some even suggested that the bartender may have been flirting with OP’s husband.