A man escapes from a prison where he’s been locked up for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns. Inside, he finds a young couple in bed. He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair.
While tying the homeowner’s wife to the bed, the convict gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom.
While he’s in there, the husband whispers over to his wife: “Listen, this guy is an escaped convict. Look at his clothes! He’s probably spent a lot of time in jail and hasn’t seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck. If he wants sex, don’t resist, don’t complain… do whatever he tells you.
Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is obviously very dangerous. If he gets angry, he’ll kill us both. Be strong, honey. I love you!”
His wife responds: “He wasn’t kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me that he’s gay, thinks you’re cute, and asked if we had any Vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey. I love you, too!”
A bus carrying many people crashed on an icy road, burst into flames, and everyone died.
Upon arrival in heaven, God said, “Since you have died in a terrible way, I’ll grant you one wish before I let you into heaven.”
The first woman, being a person always concerned on her looks, comes up to God and says “I wish to be beautiful.” God grants her wish.
The next person can’t decide on what to wish for, so he ends up wishing for the same thing.
At this point a man at the very back of the line starts to laugh.
The next couple, seeing how utterly wondrous the two have become, make their wish to become beautiful also, and the man at the end laughs even louder.
One after another, the people wish for the same thing. The closer God gets to the end of the line, the harder the man laughs.
When God finally reaches him, he asks “What is your wish my son?” The man says, “Make them all ugly again!”