When my daughter-in-law welcomed twins into the world last year, I was overjoyed. Becoming a grandmother had always been a dream of mine. I pictured spoiling the little ones with love, hearing their giggles, and savoring weekends filled with family.
But I didn’t picture this: sleepless nights spent rocking babies, endless diaper duty, and being treated as “the free babysitter” several times a week.
At first, I didn’t mind. I knew my son and daughter-in-law had their hands full, so I went over a few times a week to babysit and help around the house. It was tiring, but I did it out of love.
Soon, though, it felt less like visiting my grandchildren and more like running a daycare. No one asked if I was available. I’d walk in, and my daughter-in-law would say, “Here’s one baby, and the other is on the changing table. Can you take care of that?”
But I’m not a nanny. I’ve already raised my children, and I never imagined taking on this role in my 60s.
Every time I tried to set a boundary, she would respond, “You’re their grandma. This is what grandmas do.”
But is that really what being a grandma means? To me, it’s about love, joy, and support — not being expected to drop everything, clean up messes, and serve as unpaid childcare. When I tried bringing this up with my son, he was always “too busy.”
One night, I finally told my daughter-in-law I wasn’t comfortable handling bedtime and diaper duty every evening. She bristled and asked, “So you don’t want to help?”
I do want to help. But I also want to enjoy my retirement, to have a life outside of babysitting. I wanted respect, not to feel like a servant.
Then came the moment that changed everything.
A friend from my club quietly asked if I was really babysitting “every day for free.” She showed me a Facebook post my daughter-in-law had shared: a picture of me holding the twins, both asleep in my arms. I must have dozed off with a diaper still resting on my shoulder.
The caption read: “Here is my built-in free babysitter. This is the woman who makes weekend outings with my gals possible. Love you ❤️💩.”
Built-in free babysitter. That’s what I had become to her — not “wonderful grandma” or “amazing help,” just free childcare. I don’t think she meant to hurt me, but it stung deeply. It made me feel invisible, valued only for what I could provide.
That was the breaking point. I finally sat down with her and said, “I love you and the twins. But I’m your mother-in-law, not your employee. I’m a grandma, not a free nanny.”
She looked shocked. She said she thought I loved spending time with the babies and was simply being helpful. And I do love them. But I told her I want to help on my own terms — not out of guilt, not because I’m expected to.
I explained I would still visit, but only on my schedule. I wouldn’t be doing overnight shifts or constant diaper duty unless we agreed on it ahead of time. She didn’t take it well. She called me “selfish and mean.”
But for the first time, I stood firm.
Instead of setting aside money for the family like I had planned, I decided to spend it on myself — a well-earned vacation. Now I’m traveling, enjoying peace and solitude, and finally feeling like myself again.
I haven’t answered her texts asking for help. Part of me feels guilty, but another part feels relieved.
And yet, the question lingers in my heart: does this make me a bad mother-in-law… or a bad grandmother?
Source: brightside.me