I (35F) have been married to my husband (39M) for nine years. When we got married, he asked me to move into his childhood home. He said the house had belonged to his late father and was now his. His mother agreed, and I loved the idea — it felt like we were starting our life together in a home full of family history.
We split expenses: I pay for groceries, childcare, and utilities, while he takes care of anything related to the house. I also give him a monthly amount for “household costs.” This arrangement has been in place for years, and I never thought twice about it — until last week.
I came home early from work and overheard him talking to his mother in the kitchen. I wasn’t trying to listen, but I froze when I heard her say, “It was a perfect move to marry her. She’s helping me keep up with the mortgage. Thank her again.”
My heart sank. Mortgage?
I waited until she left, then confronted him directly: “What did she mean by that?”
At first, he tried to brush it off. But when I insisted, he finally came clean: the house isn’t actually his. It’s still under his mom’s name. And the money I’ve been giving him every month? It’s been going toward her mortgage all along.
I was stunned. I said, “You told me this was your house.”
And he said, “Well, you never asked who the owner was.”
I told him, “I didn’t ask because you told me it was yours. Why would I even think to question that?”
He just shrugged and said, “We live here. That makes it our home. Why does it matter whose name is on the deed?”
I was stunned. I told him it mattered because I’ve been unknowingly helping pay off his mom’s house for years. I believed we were building something together, but instead, I was just supporting his mother financially — without any transparency.
He said I was overreacting, that I should be proud to help his mom, and that it wasn’t a big deal.
But to me, it is. It feels like a massive breach of trust.
Now he’s accusing me of being selfish and blowing things out of proportion over something that “doesn’t change anything.” But it does — it changes everything.
Am I wrong for feeling completely betrayed and hurt by this?
Source: brightside.me