He’s been happily married for seven years, raising three wonderful children—or at least, that’s how it appears from the outside. Behind closed doors, however, his wife has forbidden him from getting close to his own kids. What could drive a mother to such extremes?
A father of three turned to Reddit to share his story and ask for advice.
The man wrote, “My wife (31f) and I (32m) have been together since college, and we’ve been married for seven years. We have three children together, and I am sick of either having to step back and let her raise the kids almost as a single mom or fight with her because I did something with our children—even something as simple as feeding them. But that’s where I’m at.
She wasn’t like this when our oldest was born. It started when she was pregnant with our twins. She would always tell me to tidy up or run some errands whenever I wanted to spend time with our child. Then she’d keep him by her side the entire day, or she’d go off somewhere if I suggested we all spend the day together and focus on our oldest. But when the twins came, it got worse.”
According to the man, his wife began to literally forbid him from approaching his own kids.
He continued, “Every time I went to feed or change a baby, she told me to go back to bed or run to the store for something. Whenever she caught me holding or doing anything with one of our kids, it was like I was committing a crime. When I’d ask her what the issue was, she’d say there was nothing—but I should just make myself useful. Even if I already was.
One time, she was delayed on the phone talking to her sister, so I put our oldest to bed and fed the twins. She completely freaked out and yelled at me for doing it without her. I told her it wasn’t like I went off schedule, and she was busy anyway. She said that wasn’t the point.
Then came the fights about me trying to spend time with the kids instead of working or running errands. When I took time off, I’d make sure to be with them, but she’d still be ready for a fight—and if I didn’t engage, she’d yell at me anyway. Whenever I didn’t push through, she’d find another way to keep the kids from me. I told her it bothered me, but she said it was all in my head.”
Now, he says, things have gone too far—and he’s seriously considering divorce.
He wrote, “Another time, she accused me of trying to hog the kids even though I hadn’t been home all day. She hated me babywearing. I was screamed at for picking the kids up from her parents’ house once. She was at an appointment, and I was getting off work, so I thought it made sense. But she told me she’d decided to leave them with her parents, so I should respect that. I told her I was just as capable of taking care of them as she was.
She was hospitalized briefly a couple of months ago, and that’s when I reached my breaking point. I took a few days off work so I could stay with the kids, but she kept insisting I go back to work and let her parents take them until she got home. She even screamed at me from the hospital because I had the kids. She sent her parents twice to try to take them from me.
When she recovered, I told her things couldn’t go on like this. If this was how it would always be, we should divorce. She screamed and said I’d be the villain for destroying our family and breaking our kids’ stability. Even my own parents told me I should find a way to make it work. But she refuses to sit down and talk. Therapy is out of the question for her, and I don’t want the kids to keep witnessing fights every time I interact with even one of them.
Should I divorce her?”
Reddit community had a lot to say in the comments.
People were extremely active in the comments under the man’s desperate post. With over 2,6K comments, it’s clear that the OP’s story provoked various emotions and absolutely explosive opinions.
- One user wrote, “You’re not in a wrong but TBH, she does need therapy badly. But if you want to divorce, you should really document this behavior and get stuff together because she’s going to go for full custody.”
- Another person suggested, “Listen there is something seriously wrong here, she needs help, if I were you, I’d talk to her parents privately and try to get to the bottom of what is wrong. My first thought throughout reading was she was mistreated as a child. It sounds like this is because she’s afraid of you being alone with them, you can’t go on like this, and you don’t deserve to be treated like this.”
- One more person commented, “Normal people are appalled by her behavior. If they find nothing wrong with it, then there’s a lot going on there.”
- Another user advised, “Please check up the laws in your country/state and start recording things where allowed. And if any doctors or nurses were witness to her behavior toward you about the kids when she was in the hospital, see if you can get a statement from them.”
- Someone explained, “Parenting is supposed to be a partnership, not one person gatekeeping the kids while the other gets treated like an outsider. You’ve tried communicating, you’ve offered therapy, and she still refuses to even talk it out.
That’s not just a parenting issue — that’s a control and respect issue. Your kids deserve to have a voice in their upbringing. Divorce isn’t destroying the family — her refusal to co-parent already is.” - One more person wrote, “You’re not wrong but don’t be surprised if she lies to CPS or tries various other ways to get in the way of your custody time. She clearly has mental issues going on. When you start filing, give your lawyer detailed notes of things she has said and done to keep you from spending time with the children, so they are aware there is already a history of interference with her. If you get 50/50 custody, she will go mad.”
Source: brightside.me