I’m Amy, and I honestly don’t know if I screwed up here or not.
So it was my MIL’s birthday dinner. For context, I wore ripped jeans, a crop top, and a jacket—basically casual but still something I felt comfortable and confident in. As soon as I walked through the door, she gave me a slow once-over, lips pursed like she’d just bitten into something sour. I noticed it, but brushed it off because I thought, “Okay, she’s judging, whatever, not worth making a scene.”
But then later, when more family members had arrived and everyone was sitting around chatting, she decided to crank it up a notch. Out of nowhere, in her “I’m just being wise and nostalgic” tone, she said: “Back in my day, women didn’t need to show skin to feel confident.”
The whole room laughed a little awkwardly, like they weren’t sure if it was a joke or a jab. I felt my face heat up, because it was clearly directed at me. And instead of letting it slide, I shot back without thinking: “Or maybe you just didn’t have the confidence to dress how you wanted.”
Dead silence. You could hear a pin drop. My MIL’s eyes went wide, and she actually gasped. Then she muttered something about “respect” under her breath, like I had just committed the worst sin imaginable. My FIL immediately tried to smooth things over by changing the subject, but I wasn’t done. I said something along the lines of, “Well, respect goes both ways. What you said about me wasn’t exactly respectful either.”
Cue the waterworks. MIL’s face crumpled, she got teary, and then she stood up saying she was “just making an observation.” After that, she stormed off to her room like I had personally ruined her birthday.
The rest of the family just sat there in this awkward, heavy silence. Nobody really knew what to say. Eventually, conversations picked back up, but the vibe was completely different. Later on, my husband pulled me aside and said some family members think I was too harsh and “ruined the night.” Apparently, I should have just ignored her comment.
But here’s my thing: I didn’t start it. She made a public dig at me in front of everyone. I’m tired of being her easy target because I don’t fit her old-school definition of what a “respectable” woman should look like. Why is it okay for her to throw shade, but when I clap back, suddenly I’m the disrespectful one?
Now I’m stuck wondering—do I actually owe her an apology just to keep the peace, or should I stand my ground because she crossed a line first?